Fortune Cookies

"You may lose the small ones, but win the big ones."

My Favorite Thing About Today

My favorite thing about today was reading the tender e-mail Bill sent to me.
Bill: "How are you? Better yet, how do you feel?"
Me: "When I don't think about 'it,' I feel very calm."
Bill: " leighli - I am glad . . . I let 'it' wash over me sometimes, and 'it' hurts me, and that is ok. I am missing you and your friendly companionship . . . and all I want to do now is hug you and put your heart as close as possible to mine. When you get the chance, let it all gently roll through you . . . I refuse to forget or deny the easy grace that is the love I feel for you.
kisses>Billy"

from My Time in Hell, by Andrew Carson:
"I think it would be disappointing to look back from the other side of death and have to say to myself, 'Damn it, if I had just held on a little while longer things would have been all right.' "

Magic 8 Ball

Me: "Will Bill & I get back together?"
Magic 8 Ball: "Better not tell you now."
Me: "Will Bill & I always be in love?"
Magic 8 Ball: "Concentrate and ask again."
Me: "Will Bill & I always be in love?"
Magic 8 Ball: "As I see it, yes."
Me: "How'm I doing?"
Magic 8 Ball: "Yes, definitely." :)

Coincidences

Today at Jason's house I was looking at all the photos on the wall in the hall, and I saw a picture of Miguelito. He was in a war protest, holding up one end of a banner.

My Favorite Thing About Today

My favorite thing about today was me & Jason & Leah all talking on the phone at the same time.

Coincidences

I ran into Jason at the library today! I helped him look for videos about San Francisco and then we went home and watched Eddie Izzard.

Me: "Was breaking up with Bill the right thing to do?"
Magic 8 Ball: "Without a doubt."

Fortune Cookie: "Accept the affections offered to you - they are sincere."

Bill & I started the breakup process today. We met in Golden Gate Park, and I was so scared to tell Bill that I wanted to break up with him . . . but the amazing part was realizing he already knew what I was going to say, because that was what he had come to say, too. We both picked the same day to break the news to each other. The fact that we're so tuned in to each other makes it that much harder to end it.

My Favorite Thing About Today

My favorite thing about today was playing with the cats, and each cat sighed when he had to wait his or her turn to play with the toy. So cute. Simon was stretched out on the floor on his side, and when I put my hand against the bottoms of his feet he pushed off and slid across the floor like Superman flying, with his arms stretched forward and everything. Simon push-off!

Things That Made Me Laugh

E.K. pretending to be a hallway sprite.

One of my favorite things about the Amber-Bonnie-Carson-E.K. house is how the window in the shower looks right out on downtown. The cold air on my face, the hot water on my back, and being able to see the city so clearly makes me feel like I'm in two places at once.

My Favorite Thing About Today

While I was working at Royal Ground Coffee, someone from Extreme Pizza came in wanting to trade a bunch of $1 bills for some $20 bills. In exchange for the favor, he let me come down and get a free piece of pizza.

New Experiences

Today I learned a great skill for work: When I'm starting to cry from sensory overload, I just pretend it's allergies and that takes all the shame out of it, and without the shame, I don't cry as much.

Fortune Cookies

"The strengths in your character will bring you serenity."

Little Miracles

Reconnecting with Peggy & Mao Mao at their party last night was not only the best part of my day but one of the best parts of the whole year, a wonderful way to end a year and bring in a new one. I was hearing things and seeing things that usually pass by me unnoticed, like Peggy & Mao Mao pausing in the conversation just long enough for me to hear someone else say something that was totally congruent with what was going on inside me. It was like the outside was confirming what I felt in my core. I dared to believe in beauty and immediately started seeing it all around me. After midnight, when Mao Mao & I were standing on his porch looking at the sparkling, sweeping view of the city below, Mao Mao said something funny, and when I tilted my head back to laugh, I saw a shooting star.

Me: "Should I marry Bill?"
Magic 8 Ball: "Get a clue."
Bill: "Should I marry LeeLee?"
Magic 8 Ball: "Get a clue." (!!)
Bill & I laughed so hard over that one. Thank god for our sense of humor in our time of difficulty.